day after christmas

i was wrong to write about a sad christmas becoz i had a wonderful one after all..(",)

i was able to go home and spend christmas day with my family...i never thought i would be able to, but thank God i did..spending the birth of Jesus with my mom and dad is truly wonderful..kahit na konti lang handa namen, masaya na rin kame..it feels good to make people happy..giving presents on christmas day is rewarding..ewan ko ba, kahit maubos pera ko, mabgyan ko lang sila, msaya na rin ako..=)..christmas will never be the same without my family.(",)

another good thing that happened for me was that i have finally forgiven my dad..kasi nagkaroon sya ng ksalanan samen ni mama, and ive been holding it against him for the longest time..then, paguwi ko last dec24, nung nakita ko na sya, parang lahat ng tampo ko nawala na rin, as in totally..i dont feel angry or kahit anong klaseng negative feeling towards him..Thank God for that..mahirap magalit sa kaibigan or kamag-anak, pero mas mahirap magalit sa magulang..the anger can destroy you, and it can consume you until you don't feel anything for that person except hate..buti na lang, nakawala nako sa hate na yun..may mga tampo pa rin ako, but i know now, i will be able to deal with it when im ready..alam ko, no matter how long it takes for me to forgive, magagawa ko pa rin..i just hope it's soon..=)

my love life was good too..kahit di ako binati ng lahat ng friends ko, yung 2 taong importante saken, di rin nakalimot..My Oppa called, though he was not in the mood to make lambing becoz he spent christmas day in Baguio, masaya pa rin ako..sana lang di sya nagsinungaling saken nung sinabi nya na di sya uminom with his friends on Xmas eve..sana rin di sila nagkita nung nililigawan nya dati..ang dami kong fears when it comes to Myke, kasi dati nagkita na sila ng girl na yun khit di ko sya pinayagan..but that's all in the past now..it's one of the thousands of things that i want to forget, yung pakikipagkita nya dun sa taong yun, but anyway, that was almost 4 years ago, need to let it go now..(",)

Reb called me too..i have to admit, i was touched, kilig and happy dahil di nya ako nakalimutan..kahit di ko pa sya binati, kahit di ko sya naalala, alala pa rin nya ako..truly, love moves in STRANGE ways, ways i can't even possibly imagine at times..(",)

yesterday, on my way back to manila, i cant help but ponder about the year that was 2005..ang dami kasing nangyari this year..though, this hasn't been a perfect year for me, i cant really say that this was the worst..kasi ang dami kong natutunan ngaun taon na 'to..ive met new friends, i had a new work, ive lost friends rin (i mean, old friends na akala ko for life na, pero mawawala rin pala..)..ive learned a lot this year actually..ive learned more about friendship and about relationships..natuto rin ako sa love...no matter how bad or good this year has been, im still glad for the year 2005..i can say that this has been one of the best years of my life..=)

Kurimasu Omedetou!(",)

Christmas of 2005.

ive waited so long for christmas to arrive and now that its finally here, im feelin quite sad..this will be the saddest christmas for me because i wont be able to spend it with my family..i dont wanna sound melodramatic, but i feel like my heart's gonna burst just thinking about spending christmas day away from home..Myke is going home tonight which makes me sadder..i wish, someday, we'll be able to spend christmas together..

mellon collie and the infinite sadness

Yesterday was one of the happiest days of my life.


My day started out well. I was happy becoz i knew that day that im going to see my Oppa again.


Myke picked me up around 130pm, we had lunch together at our favorite restaurant, and after that, we decided to go to the mall..we were just walking around, passing up the time when he told me he's gonna buy his bro a cd player. So, we went to his fave electronics boutique and he asked me to pick out a CD man for his bro..On our way home, as I was about to step out of the car, he gave me something that almost made me cry..It's a cd of my favorite album..i was soo overwhelmed. I had that same album a few years back, but i lost it, and now, i have it again..i felt like he was giving me back something so close to my heart..even if he doesn't love the band as much as i do, i know he understands me enough to give me something that i lost becoz he knew how much i love the band..im not being melodramatic, i just love the album so much..He told me he has a gift, which im not really expecting. He gave me that CDman he bought for his bro..biro lang pala yun..kaya pala he asked me to pick it out, becoz it was really meant for me..minsan, nagattampo ako sakanya, kasi di na nya sinsabi 'i love you' ng madalas, di tulad dati..but now i know, kahit di nya sabihin, alam ko mahal nya ako..im not talking here about the material stuffs that he gives me,,im talking about the music that he gives me becoz of that album, and kahit na ndi nya ako txt, i know, antay din nya ang tx ko..i feel stupid for all those times na nagtampo ako saknya just bcoz feeling ko balewala ako, becoz i know, i will always be in his heart wherever he goes..

I try to be positive at all times, iniiwasan ko malungkot..Thank God Myke is there to cheer me up, and give light to my darkest hours..I hope, someday, i would be able to bring him hapiness, the same way he's brought joy to my life..I hope GOD will guide us..sana, makayanan namen lahat ng problems na darating samen..I hope we stay together ng mahabang panahon pa..Kasi, alam ko, pag sya makakasama ko, magiging masaya ako..because we love each other, kahit na marami akong mistakes, naiintindihan nya ako and he forgives me which makes me cry..di ko alam makakatagpo ako ng taong tulad nya..i can't thank GOD enough for bringing us together..ang dami kong pagkakamali, i realize that now..sana ndi mapagod ang Oppa ko and si God saken..sana, di sya magbago..hay!

tama na nga muna,basta masaya ako ngaun!=)

weekend blues

this weekend, i took a turn in my road of life and i know, becoz of that, life is never gonna be the same again..my cuzin celebrated her bday in our fave bar, and since my Oppa has no plans of seeing me that day, i decided to go to her party instead..everythings goin well, until that guy in my past arrived..i knew he was coming to the party. i just didnt expect that im gonna feel that same familiar feeling i used to feel years back, when i said i still love him..i know, i should'nt feel this way again..im not being unfaithful, m just being tru to myself..

seeing him and talking to him again brings up the good memries of our past,,naalala ko, preho pala kame ng hilig, pareho kameng madaldal, pareho kameng mahilig magkulitan..wala lang, kakatuwa lang..sana lang noon pa sya naging sweet saken, nung free pako mahalin sya. ngaun kasi hndi na..we spent hours talking that night, i cant help but feel something for him all over again..i know, napaka fickle ko. feeling ko kasi binabalewala ako ng Oppa ko. buti pa SYA, may tym saken, and my efort na makita ako, tawagan at itxt kahit na di ko sya sinasagot..kahit na minsan, magmukha syang tanga kakasabi ng i love you saken,kahit silence lang ang sagot ko, okay na sakanya yun.. LIFE is truly unfair..i hope that GOD help me make the right decision..i hope i find hapiness sa taong pipiliin ko.

rainy weekend

i'm feelin a li'l peeved right now..i lack sleep and im feelin lazy, too lazy actually to work..=)

gotta get back to it, though..k, laterz!

Death is a sad thing...

Midweek.

i woke up this morning with a smile on my face, trying to forget my worries..i told myself that today is a new day, and i don't have to worry about yesterday. whatever happend yesterday is done, like spilled milk that i don't wanna cry over..(",)

He called me up last night, my X. he said he just wanted to hear my voice, chat for a while..after the call, he texted telling me that my cuz invited him for a drink. i was actually surprised, kasi di ako kasama sa gimik..kinda hurt, becoz i felt left out when i should'nt have. Then i remembered about that thing that happend 2 weeks ago. I spent the night at my cuzins place who is living with her bf. the next morning, i was going to my ate's house blessing, so i asked her live in bf (my cuz went to work that morning) if i could borrow his cp (becoz i ran out of load). i wasnt sure if my message was sent so I checked on the 'sent items' of his cp, and there i saw this message " Hon, mamaya ka na pumunta dito sa house. mga 1 o'clock.". i was surprised, i knew right then that the message was not for my cuz, so i asked her bf about it. he just laughed, so i told him not to worry coz di ko pa naman sya issumbong. after a few days, i met with my cuzin again, and i told her about the txt. i was just concerned, na baka niloloko na sya, wala pa sya kaalam alam..then, she asked her bf about it, at alm nyo ba, wala pang 5mins minumura nako ng ka-live in nya sa txt! that asshole! he does'nt have the right to say those foul words to me. i did what i thought was right, i did what i have to do..the sad thing is, ako pa napasama. some people are twisted. i swear, that will be the last time na magiging concern ako sakanya.

i know, these people are crazy, they don't make any sense at all dahil iba ginagawa nila sa sinasabi nila. i hate people like them..i don't think i could ever be friends with her live in partner again. sayang, bait pa mandin ng mama ko saknya, bastos pala sya! sinabihan pako ng, "bakit, malinis ba sya?", which is uncalled for! at least ako, hindi ako ngmamalinis, di katulad nya, na may asawa at pamilya pero nakikipag-live in pa rin sa cuzin ko. at take note, cuzin ko pa bumubuhay sa kanya dahil wala syang trabaho kundi magtaya lang ng karera maghapon, at ang nagbibigay pa ng pangtaya nya e yung pinsan ko. etong pinsan ko naman, isang napakalaking TANGA naman..tanong ko nga sa sarili ko bakit nya pinagttyagaan ng panahon, pagmamahal at pera yung lalaking yun ( dahil yung pinsan ko pa nagggrocery para sa mga anak nung asshole na yun), pero naisip ko siguro dahil dun lang sya nakakaramdam ng kalinga..baliw na nga siguro sya, i feel sorry dahil naging pinsan ko sya..sana hindi na lang..kasi wala pa sya nadudulot na maganda sa buhay ko..alam ko na ngaun, na sa pagkampi ko sakanya, mga tyms na pingtanggol ko sya, lahat yun kaya nyang itapon para lang sa taong sa tingin nya mahal sya..sayang, pinatay nya yung pagmamahal ko sakanya.

well, i wish the best for her..sana lang, pag matanda na sya at wala ng pera, anjan pa rin yung lalaking kinakabaliwan nya at di sya iwan.

Para sa INYO, sana gumanda pa lalo ang buhay nyo..sana, maging honest kayo, at wag ng magkunwari..sana, matutunan nyo umamin ng pagkakamali nyo..sana, matanggap nyo ang pagkukulang nyo para di kayo manira ng ibang tao..sana wag na kayo mainggit..sana, pag wala na kayong maaway, di kayo ang mag-away away..at sana, marealize nyo ang kasalanan nyo saken, bago kayo mamatay!

Para sayo insan, sana makayanan mo lahat ng problema mo..sana, di mo makalimutan yung mga panahon na wala kang matakbuhan, walang masabihan ng problema kundi ako..sana, matuto kang tanggapin kapag niloloko ka at wag ng pagtakpan pa ang kasalanan ng iba..sana matutunan mo maging honest, kasi pakiramdam ko minsan, masyado ka ng nabalot ng kasinungalingan na hindi mo na alam kung ano ang totoo..sana, wag mo nakong siraan..sana, wag kang mamigay para isumbat lang sa bandang huli..sana, maging masaya ka na para hndi ka na naiinggit saken..sana, pakasalan ka ng ka-live in mo..sana, yung mga taong pinagkakatiwalaan mo, di ka iwanan pag wala ka ng silbi at wala ka ng pera..at higit sa lahat, sana wag ka na ulit maging mabait saken.

Para sa sarili ko, mula ngaun, im saying goodbye to the good and bad memories that i shared with my cuzin..kasi narealized ko, di na sya yung taong minahal ko, at kasama ko dati sa paglaki..im saying goodbye to you, dude! something died in me, and that something is YOU! salamat na rin dahil natuto ako sau..ive learned not to trust people, especially people like you..i've learned that blood is NOT always thicker than water ( your line)..kakalungkot, uve been corrupted by someone na napaka kitid ng isip, pati ikaw nahawa na..paalam na syo..mula ngaun, patay ka na sa puso ko.

Amen.

The "X"

i used to love someone.. we met thru a friend, and though he did'nt really love me the same way then, i still have this crazy feeling that someday, he will..eventually, we drifted apart..i left him, becoz he was involved in some bad stuffs, and i really didn't want to associate with the likes of him..i know, kahit mainlove pa sya saken,il only get hurt in the end..

3 years passed..in those years, i found my real love..the person i would like to spend my life with, the one i want to grow old with, and we are happy..(",) gone is that guy from the past whom i used to think i love..

last may, i received a call from someone...yes, it was the guy from my past, telling me he's back. i was surprised he remembered me, after 3 years of not seeing or talking, he finally had the courage to call and ask me out..he kept bugging me, and finally, i agreed. i told myself there's no harm with seeing him again. i noticed the change in him when i saw him again after 3 years. he has changed a lot..he was asking me to give him another chance, but it's too late now. i can't let him mess up my life for the 2nd time..call me crazy, but i still care for him though, that tiny part of me still cares..

i want us to be friends, but can you really be friends with your "X"? i doubt it..he says he loves me. It is ironic... and strange.. how you can feel intense love for someone, and the next day, it's gone, as if it you never actually felt it..

i wish he never came back, but maybe, there's a reason why this all happend..maybe, this will be the closure that we never really had..i hope so..i wish he finds the love that he's been searching for.i did.